It's been a hard week. Before I go into this I want to say even though it's been hard it's been good. The Lord has sweetly gifted moments and encouragement through it all. We got to see Seryn for free last night ( a huge refresher for my husband and i ) and we get to go on a retreat together tomorrow. A needed get away.

It's been hard. We had some very small itchy visitors this week that come to our house via the school on my oldest child's head. are you itchy yet ? get ready.
LICE.
Tuesday we got lice. supposedly only Riley has had - we caught it early. My dryer and washing machine have been going non stop since I returned with the first load from the laundry matt at 1030 Tuesday night.
I have felt more emotionally drained , physically drained, and spiritual drained this week than I have in a long time. I normally don't say the words - i just can't . This week I did.
I sat undone , a mess before my God and just wept. On top of everything else why this? And i heard horror story after horror story of it taking forever to go away- so all i saw was the immense never ending battle and i wept. sobbed.
I didn't see it as just one day at a time - i saw it as an eternity. sometimes i still see it that way.

My husband and I were talking about all of it and how it's so taboo. You say the word lice and people back away - and i don't blame them really. But at the same time it hurts.

Throughout this week he has taken me to the same passage again and again.

Habukkuk 3:17-19

¹⁷ Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
    and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
    and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
    and the cattle barns are empty,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
¹⁹ The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
    He makes me as surefooted as a deer,^[a]
    able to tread upon the heights.

Just a few personal photos taken with my phone. 

As we get closer to the end of the year , I'm looking at how I'l be spending some of my off time in December. I have a few projects I'll be working on for some people but I'm really excited about a personal project I'll be doing. In talking with other mission photographers and missionaries and organizations it's been clear about some of the things I need to do and I've been given some fun ideas. One of which is a book , which honestly my husband had wanted me to do with the pictures before I even went on my first trip. So I'll be taking my photos and complying a photo books - nothing major  but something that is really good quality - and that if we wanted to could be made available to others if they wanted copies. (I'm still seeking the Lord about allowing this option)  - The specific missionary that the Lord used to affirm this vision had worked in an Eastern Country where you can't really say you are a missionary and their reason for being there was to create a book - that's what they told people when they were asked- so he used photography as his way in. So we talked at length about that and I shared my fears and doubts and concerns and it was such a neat time of just sharing and talking.

I'm thinking that after the first one is printed that If anyone was to be interested in purchasing --that the profits / funds will go in turn to When The Saints. I have no idea what the book will look like or if anyone will want one. But I thought it would be another neat way in spreading the word about what he is doing and a neat way to share it. But like I said right now it's just a thought and i'm only starting with making just the one.

We'll see what the Lord does.

Show me your Glory

I'm a blogger avoider. If it wasn't obvious enough.
Friday I was going to attempt but like i said - avoider. And here's the problem in that - so much happens in between posts that when i do posts it's just pure craziness- 3 posts crammed into one - no clear focus. Maybe one day I'll learn.

A Few weeks ago I went up to St. Louis for When the Saints 3rd annual banquet. It was an amazing night - they raised 62,000 - IN ONE NIGHT! Oh the sweet goodness of the Lord - His providing. I think I expected it to be that much. I had seen or well heard of how he showed up continually in this organization- I had seen him working - His hand was evident. So of course he was going to provide again. No doubt. It was a blessing and an encouragement to be there in that room with like minded people and individuals with similar hearts.
But in all of it the sweetest time was the drive up - I had 7 hrs of worship time with the Lord, time of just laying my heart out there. And just being alone with him. It was amazing and sweet and precious.
He also gifted sweet moments in the short time i was there with sweet friends - just getting to talk or rub elbows with them. The whole weekend was purposeful - it was clear I was to be there. It ministered to my heart to be there - A freezing cold walk at art hill, driving around the city sunday morning. Church with our extended faith family. I can't even go into really talking about them because my heart would probably come undone. He's sown my heart this year to two places for sure. This being one of them.
I was so thankful that he allowed me to go up there, but as I looked at why , what did he have for me for that weekend - it was that drive. That precious alone time. That he loves me that much. To care , to want and specifically not only carve out the time but sow it in my heart - that longing of Him.
I love my field trip of a life with Him. There is nothing greater. Though the world says other wise and man there are many distractions here and things that my eyes look at and I forget . I get caught up so easily. And I hate it. Those distractions.
He really is sweeter than anything else I've ever tasted. And I don't want the bitter bad rotten molding death fruit. I want the life giving.

This past weekend I had an engagement session. And the last half was in this gorgeous wheat field that he had lead me to on friday . I basically drove and asked him where to go . I got on the trace turned the direction he was guiding me and said ok Lord I'm trusting you , you know what I need and I'm just gonna keep driving till I get there. And bam he lead me there - it really was perfect. So he had the session there - and the dark storm clouds were rolling in and the sun was setting. cool wind blowing. And this morning I'm sitting , listening to music , worshipping him and I'm just longing for that field. To take my blanket , park on the side of the road and just go sit. It has become my new favorite spot. His creativity and beauty on display.

" I long to look on the face of the one that I love, Long to stay in your presence , it's where I belong "
This is my heart cry . I can't get enough of Him. I want to just stay in his presence. sitting with him. continually. Living in that place.