It's been almost 3 months since i've been home. Before I left and during my time there and maybe even when i got back at first my quiet times where long and lush . I never wanted to leave them. At some point i just started breezing thru them in the rush and bustle and didn't soak in them - a little before Christmas I started to realize this when i'd go back and look over readings and not remember reading them. So before the day before our Christmas (we celebrate our families christmas day as christmas eve.) I decided to fast (lead of the Lord) and my husband joined in with me. I spent the day in the word, in prayer and in worship. It was wonderful. As i walked through the day i realized how quick i had come to just sink back in , it snuck up - that instead of praying before each meeting or coming in contact with people. instead of asking the lord to show me what he had or to give me eyes to see where he would want me to go and spend my time i just ran into the day with my own agenda. I missed this. It was refreshing , convicting, and just pointed straight back to him.
Then the craziness of the holidays and families and visits and everything hit. This week is the first week i really feel like i'm getting back to me - who i am in him. The quiet, the purposeful sitting in front of him time.
This song pretty much sums it up.
So here we are in the middle of this rushing through I stopped processing . I tucked everything away - sealed in a box and built a wall around it. Maybe it was the noise and busyness that made it easy.
That worked for a time - but none of it went away it was all still there. Of course in his gentleness all of that broke down and became unsealed. In the stillness and quiet. And finally I decided to dive right in. into the place , that place with him. Letting him heal and move and reveal it all. And it's a process and it's slow - But i'm thankful as he reveals. And that he hasn't let me just stay there.
So for the first time in a while I don't feel heavy , I feel like I can breathe and see and that the fog has lifted. The simple refreshment that comes with just being with him.
So I'm excited and Expectant about this year. He's already had me waiting on a lot. Little things here and there and it's been so good and so right.
On another random note - next week (tuesday ) will be my 9 year anniversary with my husband. I'm excited to be celebrating it with him this weekend. If you could pray for us. Pray for him. That the Lord would continue to move in him. That he would be able to sit before the Lord and hear from him. He has such a neat special heart and is in a place of "Whatever Lord " "Wherever Lord"
And that the Lord would continue to draw us not only closer as a couple but closer as a couple to him. That we would steward well what he gives and that we would be examples of Christ's love to our children. That they would come to know him deeply. For sweet z (my youngest) to come to know him as savior.
For me - I just ask that you would pray for Africa and India.
And that I would be compelled by love.
And to live from the reality that I have everything I could possibly need in Him.
He provides it all.
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