Africa ruined me.
Before Africa I cared : When my house was cleaned. I was always on time or early. I planned - like down to the T planned. Details obsessed. OCD. I never just went through the day as it came - I started the day and planned it out - every bit. Thoughts rampant and wild.
And then I started preparing to go to Africa- the first thing to go - plans. You see I wasn't really allowed to plan anything-It was all out of my hands. Which was great - because I went with no expectations. no plans. no agendas.
We were never on time and it was great - but we'd be on time for what the Lord had. Sovereign.
We were always dirty - I mean I hand washed one of my skirts the other day and it still has dirt from Africa stuck in it. Dirty feet always- and it was fine. honestly it was more than fine.
I had a wedding today and normally I would have packed the night before and set everything out - run through everything a couple million times. nope. Did it this morning. I just through it all together - walked out the door confident that I had it all and that I could just give it to the Lord and trust him with it. I've been late to almost everything this week - having to actually make a point to set alarms or something to make sure I remember to get in the car.
Normally I clean the house every single week at the same time - and next week we're going out of town and I won't be able to clean the house - never mind the whole stress fraction to the right foot- I won't be able to - even dave won't have time and guess what it's not worth it -
I can't really go to the grocery store right now , i mean i can go along with dave if he went with me to help - but guess what he volunteered to go for me - alone - and yup i'm pumped. Normally I wouldn't let him - i'd wanna go to have some sort of control over the situation.
So yeah Africa ruined me and taught me grace. And that life really is ok and better without having a tight grip around every part of it. That honestly he's got it either way and it's just easier to just give it to him and trust.
Trust and Rest.
I got to live in that place of Trust and Rest.
And walking in what he has.
I really dislike how many distractions are here and how easy it is here to get distracted or anxious about really the simplest , littlest things.
Somehow, I stumbled upon your beautiful blog, & just began scrolling down the page. I came across this post & read it, not really knowing why. It made me absolutely humbled & made me cry. This summer, I am planning to live in Guatemala for the summer & work in an orphanage. I am so excited to see how God is going to use me, however, I am the person that likes to have every little minuscule detail planned out. I am realizing, as i plan my trip, that no matter how hard i try, there are so many details that are just like "I'll have to wait & see" or "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it". Since I'm just a senior in high school & I'll be traveling alone to a different country, it's definitely daunting to say the least, however, your words here have just absolutely broken me & made me realize how God is just using this experience to bring me to that place of Trust and Rest. I just want to thank you so much for this!!!! Just what I needed to hear today.
ReplyDeleteThank you Olivia! What sweet encouragement! I will be praying for you as the Lord directs you in your journey to Guatemala. What an exciting place to be. Please keep me updated! I want to hear as the Lord moves! He really does just want us to trust him - remember when you were a child and at weddings or just dancing with your dad you would step on their feet- letting them move you - you just stood onto of their feet (whoever you were dancing with) and they did all the work- that's what he wants. We just see the tip of the iceberg with what he's given us - and it's so much vastly more than we can comprehend - he's given it all. he has it all. Trust and Rest - it's the best place to be.
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