He makes broken things new

So life got crazy after the last post.
my car died
the pup got sicker and actually passed away yesterday.
I spent the weekend and today focusing primarily on family and getting in some dates with friends and such.
It's been crazy. And tomorrow morning I'll pack up the remainder of my stuff. Take off my wedding bands - ya know the whole don't wear jewelry thing (which i've never had off more than a couple of hours for child birthing.). Grab a plane and start the journey to Africa.

Yesterday at Church they ended out the service with calling dave and i to the front. Our Pastor spoke a bit about the trip - I said a few words, The elders joined us at the front - surrounded us and prayed for us.
If you don't know our story well here's your chance. I don't share it too often. We don't speak of it really unless it's asked. I tend to hide behind those wedding bands. The appearance of a well put together family. Enough newer people have come to our church in the past 9 years that I can hide behind that ring. I can share and be vulnerable and share my struggle and yuck ..... but we won't go that far or that deep into the muck. The Lord has worked wonders since that time. Healed wounds. Grown us as individuals and as a couple.
See He's in the business of making broken things new - and we were broken
See here i am batting around the bush still not getting to the point.
Dave and I had premarital sex. And i got pregnant. And the world seemed to stop and collide all at once.  It was bad , it was rough. It was one of the hardest times but it was also the time in my life where I actually began to see Him for who he really is. Where I got to really experience his provision.
Where I watched him take the broken pieces and put the shattered bit back together - and his light got to shine through. That even in all this He would get the glory.
Part of this story is us going before the elders - before our pastor - telling them of our obvious sin and now the consequences but yet also somehow one of  the consequences (a baby)  was going to be a blessing ?  In all of this what our hearts longed for was to honor the Lord - in the filth and the dirt of sin - in the wreckage we created - in the hurt we caused our families, we wanted to use our response to honor him - we wanted to follow his will for our lives in the situation. Marriage was never a problem - we had known for a while that we wanted to get married. But how were we called to handle this situation.  After much prayer and counseling we decided to follow the wise counsel of our church leadership. So one sunday after church service - the pastor asked all members only stay - and they did - and we were called to the front (thank goodness we didn't have to speak i think i would have fainted - I also was new to this church and community - dave however grew up  here - his entire life. ) and it was spoken. And we asked for forgiveness - because we wanted restored fellowship with the church. We wanted fellowship. Most people wouldn't do this - most don't. These things happen and everyone goes about life like nothing really happened or they gossip behind closed doors - We wanted to be upfront . Honest. and honestly isn't this how we should deal with our sin - because our sin does affect the church body - no matter if it's visible or not - ours just happened to be very very visible - at least the results were. Afterwards The body was invited to come up to us if they wanted and to say anything they wanted. or not to. I kid you not. Every. Single. Person. got up and a line formed. We were met with love. unconditional love. tears and love. hugs. embraces. words of encouragement. None of this we deserved. It was one of the most precious memories I will ever hold on to. The day I got to witness the body of christ love unconditionally. To show me , pretty much a stranger love like i had never seen.
A month later we were officially engaged and another month later married.
He redeemed that situation - in that moment i believe. It was a picture .
And yesterday we were called before the church for much different reasons.
It was sweet. It was a precious gift. For me personally. For my husband. Those precious men praying for this trip and for my family. Their hands on my husband and i. It was a good day. It was a sweet day.
I could go on but all i can muster is He makes broken things new.
He's in the business of redeeming.
He has been unbelievable gracious to us.
Tomorrow I get on a plane to go to Africa - to do photography for a mission organization.
Are you kidding me?? Me? who am i that i would get to go

One Eyed Dog

4 more full days with the family.
4
I hadn't been counting - i stopped counting after 9 or 8 days.
I knew the weekend was coming
But last night as we laid in bed the number came up
and that stretched out feeling
that underlying nerves feeling - i can't even describe it - it crept back up. it had been gone

With everything - the baby steps and the field trip - these special words that the lord uses to remind me - i find myself in situations or places in time going ok lord what do you have for me today - what do you have to show me? my parents are out of town and i'm watching after their boston terrier pups. One of which has a million health issues and only one eye. This morning i get up early get in the car and head over. I'm greeted upon entering the house with a nice surprise - the cyclopes dog has peed in his bowl and poo is everywhere - the walls the floor - when he gets out the cage it is falling off of him a nice trail to the back door- i've only been awake 10 minutes.
I'm outside turning on the hose to give said dog a bath and as i'm standing there i just go really lord? this is what you have for me right now ? to start the day off this??? why ? of all things this ?
what normally is a 15-20 trip has turned into a 50 minute trip - calling david to alert him and ask him to help get riley ready.  Back at the house it's clean up as best as i can as quickly as i can. On top of all this cyclopes won't take his medicine either. I'm feeling defeated by this one eyed metal jawed 10 year old black and white dog. i don't wanna force him to take the medicine because it's obvious he doesn't feel good - and he's anxious - you see my parents just got back from a trip and are now gone again. I'm starting to think this dog has made himself sick . That he is so anxious and worked up and can't take that my dad isn't there that he's just got ibs. I went back later this am to take the trash out - with all the disgustingness in it , check on the dog again - no improvement- and try to clean up some more - i tried to clean the bowl but it honestly needs a good hand washing and at this point in the day i have kids with me - kids that well cyclopes doesn't like tiny people - he puts up with him but you can tell it puts him on edge - it upsets his environment or some junk . so i can't take em in at this point i don't wanna risk adding to his pain and unease. so we are back at this question - why
I started to continue to ask the lord why this - why now - why today -
If you hadn't gathered yet my parents love this dog - more specifically my dad. it's his dog. he's had eye surgery , he has had a metal plate put in because he broke his jaw. he has seizures and is on pain meds , his eye is acting up so he's got eye drops now . and then there's some other pill he has to take not sure what that one's for. Needless to say they love him and they've invested - you invest your time , your money in what you love.
So as i clean poo off the walls and floor and try to save some seriously disgusting towels and comfort cyclopes. I figure , I begin to see it as , a way to love my parents - to show them love in this simple act of taking care of their dog. I think i'm gonna have to hand wash that bowl........
Can i tangibly show my parents the love of christ through this . I think so
I hope so .
I hope they see something - I hope they see him. In the little details

Here's hoping i can clean that kennel get it put back together and all before they get home - all in a fairly quick amount of time with children in the car looking on.

It's the field trip he has me on for the day.
Now to count it all Joy - and with thanksgiving.

Rain

It rained yesterday . Out of no where.
I know - you're thinking so what.
Well I had been praying for rain. I just wanted one good proper rain storm . dark skies. rain falling
I just wanted to run outside and dance in it . stand in it. bask in it. enjoy it fully.
But it's been dry and hot - September is one of the hottest months ever and always in MS.
New Tribes actually has a tribal training area in MS that is used to prepare people for tribal living - because it's always so stinkin hot and humid here.  Don't get me wrong I love Ms - i love the south. It's humidity and all - i wouldn't trade it. But it hadn't rained in weeks.
And September in Malawi is supposedly their dryiest time.
If you've ever seen the movie big fish there is this scene where the main character is in the bath tub fully clothed - his wife walks in and he says "i was all dried out"
I feel that way from time to time - this was one of them - i ached for rain.
and the Lord brought me rain - a proper rain.  dark skies and falling heavy cold rain.
It was fabulous - i dropped what i was doing and ran
in the middle of my garden. Z ran out after me - to join me in this joyful time.
We danced. We stood, we twirled. We opened our mouths to drink it in.
We played and stomped.
We got fully drenched.
We enjoyed his gift.
His creation.
My heart was full of thanksgiving and worship.

It was a sweet sweet gift.

I've prayed for rain in Africa - I wanna dance in it there too.

My soul will rest in your embrace.

Yesterday I spent part of the day pre-packing - getting my bag prepped and ready - except for the last minute things plus prepping my camera bag.
The weekend is jam packed , along with monday of next week - meaning - packing the morning or night before - i most likely would forget a lot - going through my checklist , items and notes slowly was so nice. And took a huge weight off. I'm really wanting to soak up the weekend and just enjoy and be in the moment- no distractions.

Last night we had our women's bible study - which i have come to miss so much when we are on our off weeks - i crave the fellowship and learning together - plus what once was just the 'young' women of the church has now grown to include the 'older' ladies of the church as well. I love getting to know them better , deeper , getting to see their hearts. It's really a neat time.
Peterka's (the founder of WTS) heart for this group that i'll be with next week was for unity - for the team to have unity. It was so neat that Unity was one of the things we spoke about last night- and that God is in the details. We looked at Psalm 133 and Exodus 24 and 30.
As we looked over these verses it became my heart cry for the team as well - i got a clearer picture of unity - That the unity of the team would smell so sweet that it would reveal his glory to others - that it would draw others in to him.

Personally , he gave me a verse in the middle of this study - a sweet word.
Ps 45:11- For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him for he is your Lord.

- he delights in me. To me that is a stunning sentence , a breathtaking sentence. He really delights in me- not because i'm special in my own ability or that i'm a good person or have some amazing quality - not at all. He delights in me because : he loves me unconditionally and when he sees me he sees his son - because of his work on the cross. It's too sweet, it's too good. I'm so undeserving. but i want to hold on to that right there. grasping it. letting it sink in.

After the study was over we finished out the night in prayer .
They prayed for me.
In the middle of this home - in the middle of the floor i sat. And these sweet woman put their hands on me and prayed. That the Lord would use it. That during on this he would be doing something in me , in my heart. And he did and it was sweet. Prayer - for me it means so much to know people are praying - but to get to witness it. To know that when they are praying the Spirit, THE SPIRIT, is guiding them leading them in how to pray. And that i get to hear it.

:::my soul will rest in your embrace::::
This followed me the rest of the night - rest in your embrace. To rest in his embrace.
To trust him - to rest there.
in his embrace. He's not some far off god. No . He is the Almighty Lord , and he will never leave me - he is with me always - to the end. He is here.
it's too good, too wonderful, too amazing.


The night ended with my husband - who while i was gone - had loved our children well - played and horsed around - some of which ended with Z my youngest hitting her head - which upset her - ( she can get herself so worked up that she can make herself throw up - no joke .) so she was upset - dave gave her juice - which she couldn't drink properly cause she was still yelling and crying - so she choked on some of it - which well of course resulted in her throwing up. which upset her more so she threw up some more. And my husband handled it amazingly - cleaning her up , washing the clothes , giving her a bath. Followed by sweet story time about Jesus - and how he never leaves us - sweet talks about Jesus. It was amazing to see how he handled it all without me there - yes i was around the corner but i never received a phone call about what to do (though after the story i did give him pointers about getting zoe to calm down by helping her regulate her breathing - telling her to take deep breathes - just to avoid throw up in the future ;) ). He was fine - the Lord was with him - and they managed it all fine without me - My Abba has them - and he sweetly let me see it - he's got them covered.
After the excitement and children where down my sweet husband spent the night learning 'Oceans'.
Which he surprised me with when i walked in the door - after the story above.
So the night ended with worship time - getting to worship with my sweet husband.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders , let me walk upon the waters where ever you would call me...."
we are singing this together -
and then my husband sings it - where ever you would call us.
tears
as we worshiped together.
as my husband lead worship.
I can't even begin to really communicate the sweetness in that moment in that time together.

We are in this neat place as a family.
I'm looking forward to the days ahead. to get to spend time with each one of them individually
To love them.  Not with my love but with the love of christ.

In what could be a scary time - a time of unknowns, of being out of comfort zones. of stretching , and a stripping away . It's rest. It's peace.

I have no idea what is waiting on the other side of that vast ocean but I am so excited to see what He has for me there.

Where Feet May Fail

We've just gotten home from church. The girls are eating lunch . Dave is off to work the last day at celtic fest. The washing machine is washing load 1 of the weeks worth of life that has rubbed it's way into our clothes, some dirt, some sweat, some left over evidence of what we've eaten this week.
And i'm in my favorite room sitting , writing here.
Our church has been taking a look at grace giving. studying it. Why we do it , what it is.
I feel like i've been living that , receiving that. Every gift, every donation , all if it is grace. When giving out of that place - from grace - you give when you can , what you can and it's a pure privilege to give. I'm horrible at reconvey-ing things - so i'm gonna stop there - my point is - through all of this - whether it was 1 dollar or more I saw and viewed it all as a gift. as pure grace - and that the giver gave what they could - and it was overwhelming - each dollar - floored by the grace - no one had to give - no one was bound to give - it was a gift freely given. I look back on all of this - the fundraising - the needs that needed to be met - and i love that place - of sitting and resting and watching him provide. It has been amazingly sweet- to lift up a request - purely to him and a few days later and unexpected gift in the mail. a gift meeting that request that i just mentioned to him. It has left me in tears before him. I am so undeserving. Why are you so good Lord? Why are you so gracious? I have done nothing to deserve any of it. I'm left in awe before him. So grateful that when he looks at me - i am seen as clean before him - not because of anything i've done but because of his son. Thank you Lord!

thoughts tend to try to muddle in - as i clean the dishes and prepare for the day - clothes being washed , the girls wanna make a few bracelets , then to celtic fest , then back for dinner - possibly more bathes from the time in the mississippi weather that just is showing itself off - it's hot , it's humid , it's home. Thoughts muddle in .  What all do i need to get done , time , how , what , the when - it all swirls together . the overwhelming ness of it all starts to well up . and then I hear .
baby steps.
one thing at a time - i'll show you.  not ten paces ahead - just now - just here -
I'm a planner , i'm this mess of a thinker -feeler-doer all rolled into one. And here he has me - he's stripped me of the planning - of the look of any control- taking it all bit by bit away - but he's left me here in my day to day with kids and family - (there can still me the look of control there - i can still try to wrap my fingers around something.) to try to look ahead and make some sort of plan - like anything i can plan is anywhere near as good as what he has. and he's sweetly whispering - rest . trust me.
i'll show you. wait - i'll show you .
being brought to this place of deeper rest , deeper trust.
of him holding out his hand for me to grab hold - as he runs forward - going look what i have to show you. we're on a daily field trip - of him saying look my precious daughter - look what i have for you - just this moment - just for today - here -
I'm wanting to , i'm learning to stay there - to not jump ahead - to stay there and enjoy and not miss what he has for that moment. I don't wanna miss it

where my trust is without borders.

so i leave you with this song that has rung true for the better part of this year - that has covered every inch of where he has me . that i'm still learning -
that speaks the cries of my heart.
Enjoy .

First Post

So the idea was to have a place - to write about before , during and after the journey to Africa. 
I don't expect to be able to communicate / blog a lot on the trip but the idea is that this will serve as a place to stay connected to all of you who have been an amazing support group , and who the Lord has used as a huge source of encouragement.  The ways in which the Lord has provided for this trip and made it possible still blows me away. 
So here we are roughly 9 days out before I leave. 
Today I got outfitted with a pair of lovely keens from my parents - i'm pretty pumped about them. Keen's maybe the least attractive shoes ever but they are pretty awesome. 
I also got the amazing gift of a hiking backpack - the bag i was planning on taking was majorly weighed down - heavy , and just didn't seem to carry right - was so awkward. I'm really not taking much - bare necessities. This new bag will hold it all nicely and will more evenly distribute the weight which i was sorely lacking. I'm thrilled and so uber grateful for this provision. 

So this weekend : it's Celtic fest - the hubs and i have been going together for the past 10 years - it's always a favorite and the last two he's worked - So this afternoon I'll load up the kids and we'll spend the afternoon evening there. They have this dance tonight - a Ceili - it's always a blast - so we'll dance - a perfect time and place to break in the new keens. 

I'm going to try to spend the next week blogging - daily - hopefully- about what's to come - sharing - it maybe a song - or just a word - or scripture - but i'll try to share as much as I can before I leave. 

So thank you 
Thank you for reading - for caring to type in an address in the search bar or click on a link. 
For supporting 
For your prayers. 
For the encouragement. 
For just walking along side. 

thank you.