Where Feet May Fail

We've just gotten home from church. The girls are eating lunch . Dave is off to work the last day at celtic fest. The washing machine is washing load 1 of the weeks worth of life that has rubbed it's way into our clothes, some dirt, some sweat, some left over evidence of what we've eaten this week.
And i'm in my favorite room sitting , writing here.
Our church has been taking a look at grace giving. studying it. Why we do it , what it is.
I feel like i've been living that , receiving that. Every gift, every donation , all if it is grace. When giving out of that place - from grace - you give when you can , what you can and it's a pure privilege to give. I'm horrible at reconvey-ing things - so i'm gonna stop there - my point is - through all of this - whether it was 1 dollar or more I saw and viewed it all as a gift. as pure grace - and that the giver gave what they could - and it was overwhelming - each dollar - floored by the grace - no one had to give - no one was bound to give - it was a gift freely given. I look back on all of this - the fundraising - the needs that needed to be met - and i love that place - of sitting and resting and watching him provide. It has been amazingly sweet- to lift up a request - purely to him and a few days later and unexpected gift in the mail. a gift meeting that request that i just mentioned to him. It has left me in tears before him. I am so undeserving. Why are you so good Lord? Why are you so gracious? I have done nothing to deserve any of it. I'm left in awe before him. So grateful that when he looks at me - i am seen as clean before him - not because of anything i've done but because of his son. Thank you Lord!

thoughts tend to try to muddle in - as i clean the dishes and prepare for the day - clothes being washed , the girls wanna make a few bracelets , then to celtic fest , then back for dinner - possibly more bathes from the time in the mississippi weather that just is showing itself off - it's hot , it's humid , it's home. Thoughts muddle in .  What all do i need to get done , time , how , what , the when - it all swirls together . the overwhelming ness of it all starts to well up . and then I hear .
baby steps.
one thing at a time - i'll show you.  not ten paces ahead - just now - just here -
I'm a planner , i'm this mess of a thinker -feeler-doer all rolled into one. And here he has me - he's stripped me of the planning - of the look of any control- taking it all bit by bit away - but he's left me here in my day to day with kids and family - (there can still me the look of control there - i can still try to wrap my fingers around something.) to try to look ahead and make some sort of plan - like anything i can plan is anywhere near as good as what he has. and he's sweetly whispering - rest . trust me.
i'll show you. wait - i'll show you .
being brought to this place of deeper rest , deeper trust.
of him holding out his hand for me to grab hold - as he runs forward - going look what i have to show you. we're on a daily field trip - of him saying look my precious daughter - look what i have for you - just this moment - just for today - here -
I'm wanting to , i'm learning to stay there - to not jump ahead - to stay there and enjoy and not miss what he has for that moment. I don't wanna miss it

where my trust is without borders.

so i leave you with this song that has rung true for the better part of this year - that has covered every inch of where he has me . that i'm still learning -
that speaks the cries of my heart.
Enjoy .